She seems to be the perfect one you have been looking for and he also looks like that special one that satisfies your very heart desire. You can’t just get your mind off him and you think she might be a perfect match for you. Nothing seems to matter any longer, she seems so perfect and great an utmost desire of your very act, nothing you say could ever change your love for each other.
But the question is that “how do you know if you’re really in love”? It’s easy to mistake infatuation for love. Although we always hear that infatuation is a shallow emotion, it’s actually quite powerful. Lots of people claim to be in love when in reality they are only being infatuated. We hear words like “
I just know he is the one for me”, when asked why, they tend not to give a convincing answer, some ended up saying
“I feel it very strongly”. But one thing that these individuals do not take into consideration is that infatuation is also a feeling.
It’s heartbreaking and alarming that most of the relationship that develops overtime end up in frustration and anger. I believe that a proper understanding of what love and infatuation is will prevent you as a youth and single from having a painful love experience in life, and this will help you from hurting yourself and others.
To start with, it will indeed be very helpful if we can define what love and infatuation is, this will give us a simple and laconic understanding of what they entails.
What is Infatuation? Infatuation is an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something. I think this is the simplest definition of infatuation to the best of my knowledge. Now, let’s see what love is.
What is Love?I must say at this point that defining love might be a little bit difficult, reason being that it is a word of different meaning to different people and circumstance. Wouldn’t you be surprised when a person says he loves his job and few minute later turn to his wife and say
“I love you”, you wonder what the difference between the love he’s exhibiting towards his job and the one for his wife is. This is so, because the root word from which our English word Love was translated has levels and categories, but those level and categories was not found in the English. So, that explains the reason why there is confusion in the usage of the word Love.
In a nutshell, Love is a strong unselfish feeling of interest and affection expressed towards an individual. This expression could be casual, plain, intimate, romantic or natural.
It’s very sad today that most youth and singles uses the word
“I love you” without even knowing the weight or the implication of the word on the other person. I remembered sometime back, I was actually going to send a text-message to a male friend of mine (because I am a text message freak) and ended with the word
“love you”, and I sent this same message a female friend of mine forgetting the ending word. Thereafter, when we got to see each other, I discovered that she was reacting to the text I have earlier sent to her, so I decided to check her phone some few weeks after the whole event, and to my surprise I discovered that the message was still intact in the phone.
Now, let’s take a look at the characteristics of Infatuation and Love, to determine the difference between the two experiences.
CHARACTERISTICS OF INFATUATIONHere are brief features of infatuation, please considered each of these features carefully, if you discovered that you are exhibiting anyone of these features, you can immediately adjust and make correction(s) when necessary.
1. Based on Physical Attraction.This is the most commonly exhibited traits expressed in infatuation. True love is not only based on physical attraction. An infatuated individual can be attracted to 30 people in a day due to physical attraction. I am not saying that beauty does not count in love, but it’s not the key factor neither is it the ultimate. One thing we need to realize is that physical attraction eventually fails as people get older and age. What count most are your lasting virtues – the inner qualities that you possess as an individual. So, if the reason you are in that relationship is wholly based on physical attraction, you had better think twice and make things right.
Recently, I had an encounter with a young biker on my way to school. I noticed that he displayed a strange gesture at a particular girl while the bike was on motion, so I decided to ask if the girl has offended him earlier, but he said no. Because I was curious to know the reason for his action, I kept on asking and he finally told me the reason. Guess what he said? He said he likes the girl.
Well, there is no problem liking a girl, but his was different. Due to his reaction, I further asked him if he would like to marry her, to that he answered an interesting yes and said something interesting. He said he sees 30 different girls in a day and his attracted to all of them!
To be very sure of what he was saying I asked if like those girl he has been seeing, and he echoed a resounding and an exciting yes. What this young man is saying in essence is that, he falls in love with 30 different girls in a day! That is what infatuation is all about; it gives you a burning but not lasting desire. If you are in the same shoe with this young man, you need to consider your feelings carefully and make sure you are making the right decision.
2. Selfish Aspiration:
One of the apparent features of infatuation is the tendency of expressing selfish desire in a relationship. If all you think is what you can get and not give in return, you are likely to be infatuating. Infatuated individuals only think of themselves and nothing more, they do not consider the welfare of the other person.
That explains the reason why every decision made out of an infatuated mind is all about self centeredness and egocentricity. If all your partner is saying or doing is to his favour and does not put you into consideration, then you can be sure that it wasn’t a true love.
3. Always in a rush:
One of the prominent features of infatuation is the fact the infatuated individual will always want things to be done in a hurry. One of the reasons why they do this is because they are uncertain of their next moves and feelings, and they felt they are unpredictable. And that is what they truly are, capricious.
For instance, if you are in a relationship and your partner is asking you for sex as a proof of his love for you, it implies that you are not loved but lusted after. One of the reasons why most young people give in to this sex crazy lifestyle is because most of them cannot discern between true love and infatuation. You need to understand that true loves waits and it is patient, it is not in a hurry to do things, especially in the area of sexual intercourse.
Listen ladies, if that guy truly loves you, he will definitely wait for you. But, if he says that he cannot wait, then, that is a sign that he wouldn’t have the time to wait for you in marriage and this is the most devastating aspect of a relationship – not getting along with your partner.
4. Does not last:
Another major feature of infatuation is that it does not last. Love on the contrary can stand the test of time, but infatuation cannot. Infatuation tends to be shot lived based on the fact that it a reaction based on peripheral and not from the genuine longing of the heart.
This is most times seen in relationship that evolves among young people of the opposite sex. When a relationship is based on infatuation, the individual seems to be the perfect being on the surface of the earth. Therefore, reality is no where to be found. It is only when infatuation has been fully maximized that the individual will come to the understanding that they are not truly in love. This might be painful at times as one of the infatuated individual suffers the consequence, or at most the two.
Infatuated individuals at the end of their blind love for each other later became the greatest enemy. The hatred and bitterness that follows is always alarming, as one will find it difficult to believe such individuals who seems to be moving along intimately could change in just a twinkling of an eye.
The truth of the matter is that, infatuation, is sporadic in nature, it comes and goes. So, if you discover that you are experiencing such feelings, try as much as possible to control yourself, because you will later discover that those young men or women that you are aphrodisiac about will later be of no interest to you, for some explicable or inexplicable reason(s).
These are the few features of infatuation that you need to watch out for, if you discover that you are exhibiting any of these, please make a quick correction before you regret the relationship.
CHARACTERISITCS OF LOVEHaving check out and examined the features of infatuation, it will be more helpful for us to examine that of Love too, in order to make the difference between the two vivid and clear. Here are the characteristics of true love.
1. Love Respects: This is one powerful aspect of love; it gives respect irrespective of the status, category or condition of the individual.
A relationship that is based on love is one that is full of mutual respect for the member of the opposite sex. This is one major feature that is lacking in infatuation. True love is not possessive and dominating, it gives rooms for the other person to express themselves by sharing their point of view while infatuation does the opposite.
Let me cite an example here for more clarification. If two young people are in a relationship, that is foundational on true love and not mere feelings, they see each other as two different people coming to a term, with the recognition that they are committed to tolerate each other’s perspective on the issue of life.
Love goes beyond mere feelings, true love takes a person the way they are, not the way they want them to be. This is yet another mistake that most young people make in relationship. They are always looking at changing an individual into what I called their
Mental Creative Robot. They want the person to become their dreamed personality or robot that has no choice but to yield to their desires, this terribly mistake, please don’t make such.
2. Love Grows: This is an outstanding feature
of love. I discovered with the little experience I had about relationship that true love is not spontaneous, but it grows. Most young people are usually deluded with the thought that love is magical and could be out of the blue. This thought in summary is what is known as
love at first sight, but the truth is that you can’t love the person you don’t know.
Most young people fail to realize that true love doesn’t jump into conclusion without verification, it is not something that happens abruptly, it takes time for it to develop and grow based on understanding and communication. It baffles me when young people say they are madly in love with someone they have hardly known, not even from Adam. Love is not just a feeling, it is more than that.
I personally discovered with the little experience that I have with individuals that true love is not something that comes
boobs; it is a systematic process that takes time to grow. Most people that I have come to love today is as a result of their personality and that is really what makes them beautiful and always good to have around.
Just like so many young people had been deceived to believe in the principle of love at first sight, many youth and singles has been entangled in the trap of this ambiguous feelings and mindset. Many youth through this principle have come to discover that their partner is not really who they taught he was, they were only been deceived and hook winded by their hormones and sensation.
Many youth have confessed to me that it seems they where being under a spell and where controlled by a force beyond their strength and resistance, thereby being a prey of this deadly and heartbreaking experience. Most of the love at first sight experience is borne out of infatuation and not true love. You need to understand that love is tangible and can be measured and evaluated, but not so with infatuation, that explains the reason why most infatuated individuals when asked for the cause of their feelings they tend not to give a substantial reply of what it is all about.
3. Love Gives: This is one outstanding truth that I have come to understand about true love. True love will want to give to other no matter how little it is. This same principle was expressed in one the most popular verse in the bible, John 3: 16 to be precise. It state that God love was demonstration thought the act of giving, it is sure an exceptional qualities that can’t be found in infatuation.
Though this feature is very efficient one, it has been abused and misunderstood especially when used under pretense and deception. You have to be very careful here, for the fact that someone gives and bombard you with gift does not indicate that they love you; some do these to merely take advantage of you. Therefore, how do you get to know that there is an ulterior motive behind such act, it the demands and reactions that accompany such action.
I heard of a case in which a guy who wanted the love of a young girl by all means, trying all he could but with no result decided to use this technique, so as to show the girl that he loves her. He gave her a financial gift and started making demand thereafter thinking that his supposedly
act of generosity and care would earn him the girl’s heat. But he was strangely surprised when the reaction he expected were not forthcoming and it seems his hope of getting his selfish desires is being smash against the rock, he decided to make demanded that his financial gift be returned to show that he wasn’t in love with the young girl initially.
You need to be vigilant as a young person, once you discover that a demand is being made based on the gift(s) that you had received, please check out the relationship, it possibly going to be an infatuation and not true love and might likely end with a bitter experience that you couldn’t have ever imagined. But true love gives out of the genuine and unadulterated feelings of passion towards another person for the purpose of making the other person a better individual.
There is a common saying that
there is love in sharing, that is exactly what love is all about, it share with others so as to make them experience the same peace, joy, happiness and tranquility that he has. Here is the motto for infatuation
there is infatuation in selfish demanding. With these little explanation, I hope you will be able to discern between true love and infatuation. Stay vibrant and strong.
By: KoredeAbout the Author:
Korede specializes in dealing with youths and singles. He is more concern about issue challenging the youths and singles, such as sex and relationship. Visit him at his blog at this link http://singlesandyouth.blogspot.com/
