Free funny gangsta quotes and cute sayings

Cute

   My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
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   My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
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   Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!
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   May you be in heaven a half hour before the Devil knows your dead.
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   Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP. (If she laughs, she's yours; if she looks at you funny, apologize.)
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   If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
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   Money burns a hole in your pocket.
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   Never miss a good chance to shut up.~Will Rogers
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   You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
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   I took the initiative in creating the internet~Al Gore
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   I'm serious
  cool quote about it was a joke.

   If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?
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   I don't laugh in death's face. I tend to make belittling comments and snigger behind death's back.
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   A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.
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   According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
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   So tell me, are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?
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   Pain and Suffering is inevitable but Misery is optional.
  cool quote about Life

   There won't be anything we won't say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go.~Bill Gates
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   Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
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   With lies you may get ahead in life but you can never turn back.~Old Russian proverb.
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   Every 10 seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
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   Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.~Oscar Wilde
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   Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
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   Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
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   I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
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